Know your audience

Posted on June 15, 2008 by yellowandblackmail

I love madison soooo much. It’s almost too much. I had this… ride… friday night that I want to share! yay sharing!

Pick up: Kollege Klub
When I go to pick up “Brian: party of 2” at the KK someone was standing in the middle of the street in front of the bar, preventing me from pulling out of traffic. He didn’t acknowledge me as his cab driver (most people raise their hand or make eye contact at least), but he came over and tried to get in when I stopped myself from running him over. I confirm he’s Brian (I would have preferred to tell him “no I’m not taking you” just because of his bad taxi etiquette), and as he’s getting in I let him know it’s not appropriate to stand in the middle of the street to stop a cab. This sets off a tirade of “fucks” and “fucking” and other various “fuck” words interspersed with what I believe to be his opinion that Madison sucks and everyone in it, too.

I figure he’ll run out of steam soon, but he went on for several miles.
“Those fucks on state street should be fucking grateful for my fucking money that they fucking RELY on…”
“Are you talking about me?”
“No, nonono…”
and later:
“Fucking shitheads trying to pick fucking fights with me all fucking night, FUCK! Madison fucking SUCKS!”
(This is where I get fed up, it’s been about 3 miles)
“Well, maybe people were picking fights with you because every other word out of your mouth is ‘fuck’.”

This doesn’t go over well. We get into an argument, and as most arguments go with drunk people, I don’t get space between his “fuck”s for my points so I raise my voice more and more. I say things like “Most of the people on state street on Friday nights are from out of town,” which he somehow takes as me calling HIM an asshole (because he’s been calling people downtown assholes for 3 miles). This is a cool leap of logic for a drunk guy. I also say “I LIKE MADISON!” Really loudly after several “MADISON SUCKS!” comments, which infuriated him.

We go two more miles or maybe a little more and I’m actively defending Madison because I love it so much.  Honestly, it feels REALLY good to yell back at this asshole for something I love. I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere, though, because it’s impossible to argue with drunk people. He thought differently, though, because he had to have the Last Word. This is the TOTALLY AWESOME part, get ready!

“Well then why don’t you just let us out here!” These two boys are going to a hotel on the west side, they’re from out of town, we’re 5 miles from their hotel, and we’re in the middle of a residential area without any businesses in sight (or within 2 miles).

“OKAY!” I say. I feel totally awesome right now. The two show about 2 seconds of disbelief, but then decide to make a stand and get out, their pride won’t let them back down. HAH!

“WHAT’S YOUR NAME?!” I think for a second, and decide to give my name. Obviously he’ll be calling to complain, but I don’t really care.

I get called several bad names as I pull away. Normally people promise a calmer ride if they can stay in, or offer a bigger tip, or just plain beg once I threaten to boot them out, but not this ride.  It was beautiful poetry that Brian was the one to demand exit in the middle of nowhere when I had gotten fed up.

They called the office and told the phone answerer that I just couldn’t DO that! I couldn’t LEAVE them in the middle of nowhere and they should be sent another cab!  After speaking with me quickly on my cell phone while these guys were on hold to get the scoop, the phone answerer told them they couldn’t be abusive to our drivers and wouldn’t be sending another taxi, but we would be willing to give them the phone number of a competitor. The phone answerer tells me later that this is the point where the man calls him a “Fucking Faggot” and he gets to hang up on them. We both kinda had a chuckle about it because this particular phone answerer is indeed gay, but if you’re going to be rude you don’t get a ride.

Throughout the rest of the night I’m in high spirits because I left total douchebags in a bad position. I wish I could have left them in the middle of the desert without water, but I’ll take what I can get. They call the office several times to harass people and I get several messages on my computer to write up this incident.  Apparently these two are planning to call the city and complain. I figure I’m covered since they’re the ones who asked to be let out of the cab in the first place. If their argument is that I was rude or abusive to THEM… well I think the taxi commissioner would believe they saw Unicorns before he’d believe that.  My goal as a cab driver is not to pick fights, I’m a cab driver to make money. duh.

Not to mention I’m in very good standing. Somehow the only people who want to complain about me want to go straight to the City Council to do it, but that hasn’t affected me at all since one of them was literally crazy (the ride was to the mental institute), and the others were so VERY drunk when their incidents happened.

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“Obviously you’ve never been raped before.”

Posted on May 15, 2008 by yellowandblackmail

I was supposed to pick up three girls at a bar on State Street around 1 am,  an hour before bar time. As I pull up there’s a girl flailing at me because I’m a taxi. If she’s supposed to be my passenger (the one who called), this means she is so impatient that she’ll take any cab driving down the road.  The call on my hook is 5 minutes old.

She gets in with three girls, not two, and then runs back to the bar to get another. This adds up to 5 passengers and I’m driving a Crown Vic which only has seatbelts for 4.  The law in Madison says we need to provide a seatbelt for each passenger, even if 99% of them don’t use them. It also makes my life TEN THOUSAND times easier because cramming people in a cab is stressful, and having a line to draw is nice.  Also, had they told the phone answerer they were a party of 5, we would have sent them a minivan to accommodate them.

There’s always people trying to cross the line. I stand firm because it isn’t worth losing my license or causing my beloved-company trouble for these snobby, spoiled bitches that’d only tip a dollar anyway. “BUT WE’LL TIP BIG” is a common pleading argument to let more people in (among other thing like: bringing in open containers, turning the meter off early, etc.), but it’s always a big fat lie.

The girls were nice… it was just one that was pissing me off.  It wasn’t even the one that called us or the one that was flailing her arms. As soon as I said “I will not take 5 passengers,” she made a “shhhh” noise and gestured to her friends AS I WAS LOOKING AT HER to bring the fourth girl into the back seat (one was sitting in the front).

“Errr, No. I will not be going anywhere with 5 passengers in my car,” I say, looking straight at her.
“But we can’t leave her BEHIND!” She says.
“Call a second cab, then.”
“But But.. she could get RAPED!”
“Are you kidding me? She’s not going to get raped inside that bar.” It was a well-lit, high profile bar on a Wednesday night. I knew some of the staff, and it was across the street from the VERY well lit Overture Center. Girl was not even drunk. Her phone wasn’t broken, she could fucking call another cab. We were at about a 5 minute wait time.
Instead, she replies with: “Obviously you’ve never been raped before.”
“Get out, all of you. I will not be guilted into giving 5 people a ride, you will walk.”
“But.. I don’t have a coat!” The girl says, her friends are already exiting and rolling their eyes. She honestly tried to use that to get me to keep her in the cab and give her a ride, her eyes were slightly pleading.
“I’m sorry!” I said with mock sympathy and waved goodbye. I even fake-frowned a little.
“WELL! I’m sorry you’re a CAB driver!” She says as her friends close the door on her so she’s stuck inside the cab RIGHT when she was trying to exit. haha! She repeats herself when she clumsily tries to re-open the door. “I’m sorry you have to drive a CAB for a living!” Or something like that.

I couldn’t find a reply to that, I had been knocked a little off-base because *I* wasn’t sorry I was a cab driver.  I just smiled and drove away.  Silly girl.

It bothers me that there’s a lot of young ladies that don’t see reason and don’t see the obvious and low-effort solutions.  What they see is a problem they can get out of by pleading, cajoling, and manipulating someone into fixing for them.  Isn’t it just easier to wait 3-5 minutes for another cab, or tell the person taking the phone order to send a minivan instead of a sedan?  Maybe it’s the feeling of power they get when rules are bent for them that reinforce this behavior.

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Taco Tuesday

Posted on May 2, 2008 by yellowandblackmail

Tuesday night was a little odd.

I had a waitress in my cab who works the night shift at Perkins on the west side of town. She was very pleasant and sober when I picked her up from work. We made two stops (really not a big deal) for her at convenience stores so she could pick up some snacks. When I got her home, she asked if I had change for a $20. “Ya, of course,” I say… but the meter was at $18.25. I gave her back all of the $1.75, and then she got out and walked into her home. A waitress. On the night shift. Who was nice… I couldn’t wrap my brain around it. It doesn’t seem possible that people can be this dense… usually other service industry people tip the best.

I also picked up a man at a strip club tuesday night, which I rarely do because every experience I have picking up men at strip clubs turns out bad. I had just dropped off three people (two of them girls) at the same club, though, and it seemed convenient. The man gets in, totally wasted.  He is a little short with this HUGE watch on his wrist, probably the biggest watch I’ve ever seen. Overcompensating for something? I confirm I’m taking him to the Sheraton, and he asks “Is there someplace more interesting you could take me?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, someplace more INTERESTING.”
“Well, there’s a lot of places between here and your hotel, it depends on what you’re looking for, really.”
“Someplace better than the Sheraton,” he says. I know what he’s after but I want him to say it.
“There’s a Taco Bell,” I say.
“I’m not interested in Taco Bell.”
“You need to be less vague.”
“Yooouuuu need to be more vague!”
“LOOK. If you’re looking for a GIRL, I can take you to a place where you can get a GIRL.”
“Um… ya… ok! How much do you think it’ll cost?”
“… I don’t know!”  I let out a chuckle, this whole conversation seems ridiculous to me.
“COMMON! You gotta know!”
“HOW ABOUT I TAKE YOU THERE AND YOU ASK THEM YOURSELF.”
He goes in, I wait, he comes out 3 minutes later looking like he had an imaginary cold bucket of water dumped on him. I take him to his hotel without another word said, he tips me a whole $0.75 and I get PISSED.  As he opens the door to the hotel I roll the window down and yell out “SORRY THE WHORES TURNED YOU AWAY!” I think the lady at the front desk heard me. It made me feel much better.

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Old people

Posted on April 16, 2008 by yellowandblackmail

I had a woman last week in my cab, going from the Courthouse downtown to a hotel on the east side, roughly a $20 ride. I picked up this woman who was roughly 65-70 years old. She wore a wig, hobbled slowly with a cane, and wanted to use the front seat. When she got in, I was overpowered by the scent of dog.  Considering where I picked her up, I thought it would be a completely different kind of ride.

She tells me she got divorced today! I was a little surprised, so she explained that she’d been married 28 years and her husband left her last year to run around with “teenage cheerleaders at the bars”. She went on to say that during the year of separation, she was still receiving all his mail, the house he left her in was in his name, and he neglected to pay for it. In February she got a knock on the door by some police and was told she needed to leave the house within 10 minutes. She had been foreclosed on without any warning, and had to now live in a hotel for $80 a day with her dog and cat. I asked how old her husband was, and she said 54… which led me to believe she was about the same age… but she looked nearly 20 years older. Her husband “still made a bunch of money”, and the judge made him pay a LARGE alimony.

As she got out of the car, I noticed her jacket had dog shit on it. I could only imagine someone who considered themselves still alive, active, and healthy having this woman to come home to every night. Someone who’d given up on life and the care of their self. I think she was capable of much more than she was doing. She might have just been depressed but at the same time I wouldn’t want to continue my life with someone who’d resigned themselves to wait for death. He still should have kept making her house payments, though.

Yesterday I had an old couple in my cab. Their car had broken down and I was there to take them home as the tow truck was taking their car to some auto shop. The woman had gotten into the car and started a conversation with me as the man was dealing with the tow truck driver.  She seemed pretty bright for her dilapidated body.  He looked in better shape, but around the same age… she had a hump back and gnarled hands.  I asked if that man was her husband and she said yes, they were married in 1953. So if they were married 55 years ago, they were probably sitting around 75. The woman had a very sunny disposition, but the man seemed incredibly put out by having to help her with her seat belt and holding a conversation with her. When we pulled up to their GIGANTIC house in a secret neighborhood I’d never been to, he had me park at the top of the driveway near the mailbox.  Then he refused to help his wife walk down the slope to their house after tipping me $1.75.

This doesn’t give me hope for old age.

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Carpe Noctem

Posted on April 5, 2008 by yellowandblackmail

One of the best things about my job is the 4am Committee. As a cooperative, we have many committees and meetings to discuss things from fuel efficiency, to seasonal company parties, to buying the building we work out of, to the toilet paper we buy. The 4am committee is just as important a part of our company as these other, more obviously functional committees. As drivers who work the bar shift we have needs, and we fill them in this committee. The stress of suppressing the urges to strangle, run over, and punch all drunk assholes is released in drinking beer, sharing stories, and smoking while we do our paperwork. The 4am Committee has been meeting almost every Friday and Saturday night (and sometimes other days) since the formation of the company thirty-some year ago. Considering the founding members were all hippies, and some are even now the General Manager and lead the Board of Directors, we’ve stuck to our roots pretty well. I don’t believe there’s a mention of the 4am Committee in any of our policies or bylaws, but it’s integral despite this. If it stopped, all the night drivers would probably go crazy. So the 4am committee is tolerated even when it sometimes runs into 6 and 7am, after the sun’s risen and the day drivers complain of the loud noise and cigarette smoke. It is necessary, for the good of the drivers’ mental health and company’s stability. To keep it under control, it’s held in a small room detached from the business building and away from all equipment and civilization. The small room is covered in a layer of smoke residue which won’t leave unless the place burns down. The walls are lined with funny pictures of our drivers, a couple couches found on the curb, a couple tables with calculators, a stereo found on the curb (that works, with radio), and a deer head. Someone found a small cardboard poster with “Carpe Noctem” on the side of the road, and put it up on our wall a couple years ago. We’ve also got posters of the TV show “Taxi”, artwork from some of our drivers, and other fun odds and ends. It sucks that when I get home after spending an hour or two there my clothes and hair smell like smoke. It sucks that the moment I step into that room I have an uncontrollable urge to beg someone for a cigarette (and at no other time do I feel that urge). But these are things to overlook for the greater good of my sanity. Last night was easy for me, the passengers were nice, tipped well, and were cheerful from the shift into Spring. However, the bunnies and raccoons have come out and the deer are running around in front of my cab… and so are the college kids. It’s frustrating to have to drive 5 mph just because 20 different groups of 2-3 people want to jump out in front of moving vehicles to join their cohorts across the street.  The grass must greener there and they cannot wait for a traffic light, I guess. This didn’t make me want to strangle my passengers so much as press a little harder on the gas.  Eight hours of my left foot hovering over the break makes me thirsty. I needed that beer after my shift! So 4am rolled around and I got it… and one of our phone answers picked tonight to practice making omelettes, too! So for $1 per egg, he cooked drivers omelettes in the Smoky Hut on a hot plate. The pay is unsteady, the stress is unique, but I love my job and my company, and especially my co-workers  The customers can all bite me! (or tip me)

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