I had to get out of the house yesterday. Had to.

So walking away from my apt, towards the capitol.  I had no particular destination other than to get drunk. I called no less than 8 friends to see if any of them would be interested in helping me get drunk. One was behind in school work, one was asleep, one was behind in his business, one was broke, one had quit drinking, one was at work and had plans with other friends after work, one had friends coming over to his place on a standing weekly plan, and one never drinks in the first place. The stars had lined themselves up to make me alone. I rarely ever go out, so when I call people to go out there is generally a reason behind it… I was having some problems, and I wanted perspective and to reset myself through alcohol. Booze has always been a good emotional reset button for me.

So instead of using this to let myself spiral down more, I just refused to think about it. These friends are still friends, they were busy, and fuck… it was 4:30 in the afterfreakingnoon. On a Tuesday. I went to the closest gay bar and read the Onion while drinking two-for-one Martinis. No one really said a word to me while I was drinking, which I was fine with, and no one seemed bothered that I was there. It felt good to be around people that were relaxing while I was relaxing, and not have them oogle me, or me be paranoid that they’re oogling me. The first martini was so strong I couldn’t bring myself to drink another if I were going to pace myself. I handed it off the the guy next to me, who I’m thinking was the owner, and the man next to him protested, “Don’t leave! You’re great to just look at! You’re gorgeous!” It was a beautiful compliment that I could never have taken from a straight man. On my way out he repeated to his drinking buddy that I was “stunning.” I’m sure this wasn’t intended for me to hear, because he was freaking drunk. It made me feel good.

I called a friend to tell her, and we chatted for a while before I went into the Old Fashioned to hang out by myself with my neighbor bartending me. I read the rest of the Onion, drank a Cherry Blossom, and ate a couple tacos.

I called a couple more people, and a couple previous people, still no dice on company. So I went to the ‘Dise. I had about a 2 hour conversation with a man who was drinking Non Alcoholic Papst. PAPST. NO BOOZE. 😦 I basically talked about nothing at him and he listened, bought me a drink, listened some more, then I excused myself. Somewhere in there I was on my way to or from the bathroom and a man was in my way, and he wouldn’t get out of my way, and he just bounced in front of me like a monkey, refusing to move. So I punched him and he moved. It felt great.

I spoke with an acquaintance about pets for a while, she left with her boyfriend, then I talked to Ron the bar fly for a few, and then I left.

It was a Nothing Special night, and I didn’t really get the outlet I was looking for, and I had a hangover all day today.

…and then I saw a dead body on Allied drive while driving around in my cab.