One fairly recent Tinder experience I had was something I have a lot of mixed feelings about. A younger dude matched with me one night, and he was driving home to a different state the next morning. He was probably 25 or 26, and I’m 37 (I think… I had to double check that for a minute… THAT’S how old I’m feeling).
After some exchanges of photos and some light sexting on my part, but pretty crude and down-to-the-point sexting on his, he wanted me to come over ASAP. I told him he should dial it down a bit, and maybe he could think about coming over in the morning before he leaves town. That gave us both an opportunity to reevaluate to make sure we were still interested.
I woke up and showered, texted him and asked if he was still interested in stopping by. Yes, he was and he asked me for my address.
“Okay, have you showered yet?”
“Oh! I’ll do that right now!” I’m glad I asked.
He arrived after his GPS had a little trouble, and he was visibly nervous. He asked to use the bathroom, breathless, hands shaking a little as he took off his shoes. I led him upstairs and we started fooling around immediately, but I was leading the charge. His nervousness was still present, it was obvious that he was excited about this whole situation, but that he’d never expected to have a stranger take him up on his advances before, maybe. But as a woman, I understand that you can be incredibly nervous in a stranger’s house and also be logically comfortable with what you’re doing at the same time. He knew I wasn’t going to ax-murder him, but he was still on high alert.
I won’t go into great detail here, but I will say a few things about the sex. He was surprisingly good with his hands. He liked my oral (I’m really good at it… this is a shameless plug). When I said, “Okay, now put a condom on and fuck me,” that fucker asked, “do I have to put a condom on?”
I gave him my serious-as-fuck face, “Put the condom on.”
It didn’t last very long, but it was pretty fun. Apparently he had a cold and was on a lot of Nyquil, so he was breathless and beat, not prepared for more. While he tried not to fall asleep (he was really, really disproportionately tired for what had happened) he asked, “Can I ask you a question?”
“What does ‘sex-positive’ mean?” I put this into my Tinder profile, he was referencing that. I was completely unprepared for this question, but as I was forming an answer he piped in with, “Is it what we just did?” He was referring to having sex with a stranger, not any specific sexual act.
“Ummmm…. It’s more like if you go home and tell your friends about this, you’d say, ‘I had an amazing time with this awesome lady,’ and not, ‘I fucked a dirty whore this morning.'”
“Ohhh… okay. That’s kinda how I think,” he replied, but I could see the gears turning. I was cringing that he was reliving the times that he had degraded women to his friends, but I was hopeful he was on a tail end of a positive experience and he would maintain a more positive outlook on sex because of it. He should go and enjoy the sex that he wants to, but make sure to remember he’ll get more of it if he’s nice to women in general.
He tried putting his shoes on while standing up at the door (his hands were still shaking a little) and I let him know there wasn’t a big rush, he could sit down and put his shoes on. After he left, I noticed that when he had used the bathroom he left the toilet seat up (insert eye roll). I also noticed a few hours later that he disappeared from my Tinder match list. He was either feeling super guilty within himself about the situation (I didn’t read that on him at all), or he has a girlfriend at home and he uninstalled the app.
I am not feeling bad about the girlfriend thing because it’s speculation on my part and if it IS the case, I wasn’t aware of that information beforehand. I will not assume guilt when I was incapable of making a fully informed decision. I feel pretty good that I had a good romp, especially since I don’t have to see him again. I don’t want to be his mom and tell him to put the damn toilet seat down all the time. I don’t want to hold his hand through being a good person. He’ll eventually get there if he wants to and I don’t have to assume those roles just because I slept with him.
A friend listened to this story when I told them, and they told me, “Yea, it’s like camping! You left him better than you found him.” Hopefully that’s the case. He gave me a lot to think on about myself and is adding to my confidence as a casual dater, so we’re even.