Nature

Posted on December 16, 2007 by yellowandblackmail

After seeing 3 shooting stars Thursday night while working, I asked one of my customers if there was supposed to be a meteor shower or something. I mistook the first one I saw as a firecracker, as it was incredibly bright and it looked like it fizzled like a firecracker would. Yes, there was a nice meteor shower. I even got to see a couple more shooting stars on Friday night. I really enjoy things like this, because this is the only job that could provide me with random beauty and strange coincidences. A few years back I got to see some MAJOR northern lights, I get to regularly see red and yellow moons, and beautiful snow showers and rainbows. I also get to see some pretty funny shit like cars embedded in snow banks, really strange interactions on the street, and a lot of men pissing everywhere they can.

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Hot nerd on nerd action

Posted on December 1, 2007 by yellowandblackmail

I like when people smooch and snuggle in the back of my cab, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I like when people are intimate, but gentle about it.

Last night I picked up a couple from the Red Shed, it’s a local college doofer bar. They looked to me like graduate students and slightly nerdy. Like, the girl looked like Velma from scooby-doo and the boy looked clean-cut, but definitely not cool. She was really drunk and he helped her to the car door. I got the impression that they were already boyfriend/girlfriend, so he didn’t pick her up that night at the bar. He was still being a gentleman.

As soon as the car was rolling to their destination, she had fallen into him… or I had assumed. But then I heard kissy noises, and low girl whispers. A few blocks into the ride the girl was less concerned with keeping things secret and her whispers were slightly louder. I heard things like “I want” and “fuck” a lot, and it was really hot. Here’s a girl who had an appetite, and knew who she wanted, and what she wanted to do with him. And here was the boy! Nerd boy with hot nerdy girl all over him blowing his mind, which was probably awesome for him. They didn’t go past heavy breathing and kissing… I don’t think… but it was a much better ride for me than some sorority girl giving a blow job to some drunk jock in the back seat.

Needless to say, this ride made my night good, despite the many, many… many… times I was stiffed. (financially)

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Do not pass go, do not collect $200

Posted on May 22, 2007 by yellowandblackmail

I had a rough week last week. I had to bust my ass and pick up a couple days’ shifts due to surprises… My roommate decided to tell me (when I asked, and not before) that he would stay until june 1 and pitch in for rent. Which was alright, that meant I could go out one night and relax a little… And then I came home to his stuff packed and he was leaving two days after. This was the cause of my scrambling… It was totally within his rights to leave, since it was agreed that he would, but I would have liked a little more warning or less misleading. Rent was due within a day or two of this happening.

So! Picked up monday and tuesday shifts, figured out internet is also due, so picked up extra hours on days I was already scheduled for… I worked somewhere between 56-60 hours last week. The work wasn’t terribly stressful except for a few key moments.

Somewhere in the middle of the week, some dude called the office to tell my manager that I had hit his car. The manager called me and asked what happened, and I told him. I had a passenger and we were on our way- very leisurely- to the airport, and said dude wouldn’t let me merge when the road went from 2 lanes to 1. Without other options and with my signal on for nearly 2 blocks, I force my way in (it’s better than going off the road). My passenger and I chuckle about it all the way to the airport, astonished this guy wouldn’t let us in. After the road went back to two lanes, he made a point to cut in front of me and slam on his breaks as well. I got a big tip from the passenger for being a good sport about the whole deal though, and not getting angry.

This dude had called the office and said “I won’t call the police, but I just wanted you to know your driver hit my car”… which basically screams “I’m lying” because if your car is damaged you want the responsible party to pay for it, right? However, it is still stressful for your boss to call you and tell you this like you’re in some kind of trouble. “Why didn’t you just get behind him?” he asked. I didn’t have a good answer, but fuck! we were going 30 mph! I would have had to STOP to get behind him, if he even would LET me do THAT. grumble!

To end my 6-day marathon, I put a woman in jail. The ride started alright, I guess. I picked her up from the Shamrock, a gay bar right near the capitol building, known for its friendly and courteous patrons. I was taking her home to a bad part of town, though, and a friend that was handing her into the cab mouthed “THANK YOU!” to me… bad sign. Why is this woman going home early and her friends are grateful that she’s leaving?

A mile into the 3 mile ride she is falling asleep, taking off her shoes, and spilling the contents of her purse. I say “Honey you can’t fall asleep, I need you to stay awake.” This works twice, but then she’s persistent about laying down and closing her eyes. I repeat myself a third time, and that’s when things get weird. “Shut up and drive the damn car! Shut up! Get me home!”

“I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to get out of my cab.” She refuses, and repeats some obscenities. Remembering what my mom used to say, “Get to someplace well lit and public,” I make my way to the nearest open convenience store. “Get out of my car or I will call the police.”

“You go and CALL the police!”
Okay.

I call my dispatcher and request some police. Within the time it takes the police to get there she threatens to punch me in the back of the head several times, tells me we’re in Chicago, tells me to go home, and blathers some other delusions. The dispatcher had sent another Union cab to me to make sure I wasn’t in any serious danger, which was nice. I also asked some bystander to stick around until the police got there, just because I was nervous. The lady was sitting directly behind me and held up her purse several times like she wanted to take something out of it, but that could just be my paranoia.  By this point I was convinced that she was having a bad reaction from the alcohol and something else that was in her system, making her confused and disoriented, and I was NOT comfortable with her sitting directly behind me in this state.

Ok so big barrel chested, bald, black police officer makes his way to my window, and makes sure I’m the one who called him. “Oh you better watch out for him girl, them guys are trouble,” says lady behind me. … HE IS HERE FOR YOU LADY. He asks her to step out, she does, then she moves to get her purse off the back seat. Then grabs the bun of hair I have tied up and rips my head backwards with it… I let out a blood curdling scream that even *I* was impressed with. It didn’t really hurt when she did it, but startled me BAD… especially after all that pent up suspense on what was going to happen.

“Oh, that was stupid,” says the cop. YES HE REALLY SAID THAT! IT WAS AWESOME! He handcuffs her and throws her in the back of the police car. He comes around to me, and gets the story on why we called them, and then he says to me “I’m going to ask you some ridiculous questions and I need you to answer them, ok?” I nod, and he goes on: “Did you give her permission to pull your hair?” I actually laughed here, and said no, I did not. “Did it hurt?” I tell him honestly it didn’t, but that it REALLY surprised me. “Did it disturb you?” FUCK YES it did! He asked if I would like to press charges, and I say YES I DO.

It’s not as earth shattering as it could have been, I guess. I mean she could have pulled a knife or gun on me, and then I would have been TOTALLY FREAKED, but this makes for a good story. It did shake me up enough that I went home early, missing the last good bar rush until summer ends. I did find something interesting about myself in this whole mess, though. This woman was about to really punch me, and I had turned to look back at her to answer her confusing statement about being in Chicago. I made some confused puppy eyes at her and she kinda settled back a little. If I have enough backbone, yes I can manipulate people. Even in the most extreme circumstances. I SHALL USE THESE POWERS ONLY FOR GOOD!

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Reboot

Posted on March 28, 2007 by yellowandblackmail

I had to get out of the house yesterday. Had to.

So walking away from my apt, towards the capitol.  I had no particular destination other than to get drunk. I called no less than 8 friends to see if any of them would be interested in helping me get drunk. One was behind in school work, one was asleep, one was behind in his business, one was broke, one had quit drinking, one was at work and had plans with other friends after work, one had friends coming over to his place on a standing weekly plan, and one never drinks in the first place. The stars had lined themselves up to make me alone. I rarely ever go out, so when I call people to go out there is generally a reason behind it… I was having some problems, and I wanted perspective and to reset myself through alcohol. Booze has always been a good emotional reset button for me.

So instead of using this to let myself spiral down more, I just refused to think about it. These friends are still friends, they were busy, and fuck… it was 4:30 in the afterfreakingnoon. On a Tuesday. I went to the closest gay bar and read the Onion while drinking two-for-one Martinis. No one really said a word to me while I was drinking, which I was fine with, and no one seemed bothered that I was there. It felt good to be around people that were relaxing while I was relaxing, and not have them oogle me, or me be paranoid that they’re oogling me. The first martini was so strong I couldn’t bring myself to drink another if I were going to pace myself. I handed it off the the guy next to me, who I’m thinking was the owner, and the man next to him protested, “Don’t leave! You’re great to just look at! You’re gorgeous!” It was a beautiful compliment that I could never have taken from a straight man. On my way out he repeated to his drinking buddy that I was “stunning.” I’m sure this wasn’t intended for me to hear, because he was freaking drunk. It made me feel good.

I called a friend to tell her, and we chatted for a while before I went into the Old Fashioned to hang out by myself with my neighbor bartending me. I read the rest of the Onion, drank a Cherry Blossom, and ate a couple tacos.

I called a couple more people, and a couple previous people, still no dice on company. So I went to the ‘Dise. I had about a 2 hour conversation with a man who was drinking Non Alcoholic Papst. PAPST. NO BOOZE. 😦 I basically talked about nothing at him and he listened, bought me a drink, listened some more, then I excused myself. Somewhere in there I was on my way to or from the bathroom and a man was in my way, and he wouldn’t get out of my way, and he just bounced in front of me like a monkey, refusing to move. So I punched him and he moved. It felt great.

I spoke with an acquaintance about pets for a while, she left with her boyfriend, then I talked to Ron the bar fly for a few, and then I left.

It was a Nothing Special night, and I didn’t really get the outlet I was looking for, and I had a hangover all day today.

…and then I saw a dead body on Allied drive while driving around in my cab.

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I Don’t Want To Know.

Posted on November 7, 2006 by yellowandblackmail

I had these people in my cab from Penn State on Friday, in town for the home football game here in Madison on Saturday. They were nice enough but when we stopped for them to get a snack at the gas station the two in the back were so drunk that they make a HUGE mess of the back seat. The guy in the front was paying, and I told him if he didn’t get it cleaned up, I’d charge a cleaning fee. He cleaned it up, smiled, tipped, said thank you, all while trying to juggle two drunk older guys who were giving him a hard time.

The next day (Saturday) after the football game, I somehow get the same people in my cab. They were more sober and apologetic. It was refreshing. But one of them, comically, smelt like vomit because a girl at the bar threw up on his jacket. It was fun teasing him all the way home. On arrival at their hotel, they tip me $13… which was AWESOME. One of the dollar bills they handed me had George’s eyes marked over and said “I Don’t Want To Know”. I flipped out.

Four years ago, or maybe even five, a friend took me to the Weary Traveler and we ran into an artist who drew on dollar bills. I got three signed. Over the course of the next year I got really poor and ended up spending those dollars. One of the bills was the dollar that the drunk Penn State fan gave me.

Madison continues to blow my mind with crazy coincidences.

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