“OW MOOOM!”

Posted on April 7, 2013 by yellowandblackmail

Alright, the “crazy” short taxi story from last night: A mom took her newly-21-year-old daughter out drinking and the daughter over-indulged. Mom wanted to make a pit stop for cigarettes and soda on the way home from the bar. It was about a 5 block trip but the daughter was in NO SHAPE to walk on her own and mom was too tipsy to help. While mom was in the gas station, I became acquainted with exactly how drunk and self-loathing the daughter was. I was not having fun, I was being a fucking baby sitter and getting nervous that if she got sick, she was aimed right at my belongings (I keep my things in the gap between the front two seats of mini-vans).

After I got them home and got paid ($10.70), I needed to give change but the daughter was trying to get out on her own. I knew if she tried she’d just land on her face. I kept my hand on her shoulder with the door open, waiting for mom to come around and get her. I had to remind mom to get the fuck out of the car and come around and get her.

I handed the $9 change to her as she helped her daughter stand.  The daughter INSISTED on hugging me as a thank you. I didn’t want it, mainly because there was schmutz on her arm that looked like she’d gotten sick earlier in the evening and wiped her face off with the sleeve of her fleece. I got forcibly hugged anyway, and not tipped.

I got into the car, pretended to do some paperwork as I waited for the ladies to clear off. I don’t like pulling away with people standing around because sometimes they brace themselves with the car (especially if there is ice everywhere). The two ladies are holding each other up for a couple staggers, then their momentum gets quick fast and I hear a BANG on the back of my cab.  In my rearview mirror I see them both still standing, the daughter holding her head. “OW MOOOM!”

They stagger a little more and are bracing themselves 20 feet away on a parked car so I pull around, facing the exit of their apartment’s parking lot. The daughter is now on her knees gathering things that have dropped out of her purse, and clutching her head.

“Do you want me to call an ambulance? Are you okay?” The mom shoos me off and says they’re fine, and very firmly says “No ambulance.”

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Wearin’ my Cunt Jeans

Posted on February 1, 2013 by yellowandblackmail

Yesterday, at the end of the workday (it ended at 3am this morning) I was so fed up that I exclaimed to a friend who was also checking in “Apparently I was wearing my Cunt Jeans today!”

The day started with a routine pelvic exam with my doctor and went downhill from there.

People were generally under-appreciative of their safe rides in the 1 degree temperature (seriously, the gauge in the car fluctuated between 1 and -1 all evening). General douchebaggery set me off all evening. I had a party of 7 (I had the only 7-loading minivan in our fleet on accident last night) to the Majestic for a Savoy concert (I don’t know them, but I’m guessing they’re douches, too), their meter came to $6.50. “Okay, everyone give me a Dollar!” Says the dude in the front. One by one, very slowly, they gave me each $1. THANKS ALOT GUYS! I even yelled out the door as they didn’t put the moving seats back into place “I HOPE YOU HAVE FIFTY CENTS WORTH OF FUN TONIGHT!”

My last passenger was a treat. He called from The Paradise, but I picked him up a block away because HE WOULDN’T STAY PUT. I HATE THAT SO MUCH. He said it was because it’s cold and he wanted to keep moving, but he had called us only 5 minutes prior and he didn’t look like he was going to return to the Paradise during his getting-warm exercise.

He gets in, I turn the heat up for him, he says his battery died in his car, otherwise he wouldn’t be taking an expensive taxi. “Do you have triple-A?” I ask.
“Not EVERYONE can afford that, lady!”
“It only costs like $15 a year…”
“That’s like taking food out of some people’s kids’ mouths!”
“$15 a year?”
“You know what, yea! You wouldn’t know about that because you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth!”
“Which is why I’m driving A CAB?!”

He went on to argue that he was quoted $10 for the ride, but I quoted him $12 at the beginning. The ride turned out to be $13.10 and in the middle of the ride he was like “Here, let me prove I’m going to pay you, here’s a twenty!” I told him I’d give him change at the end (because we were in motion and it’s stupid to handle money while trying to drive).

I ended up not having two $1 bills so I just got fed up and gave him two $5s and told him to get out.
“What?”
“Just get the fuck out.”
“I gave you a twenty!”
“And I gave you ten back. I gave you three dollars off your fucking fare.”
“Let me out!”
“The door is not locked.”
“You’re a fucking cunt.”
“Get the fuck out.”
“Cunt.” He said, fumbling with the door. He left it open, so I rounded the block, got out, and closed it.

I’m unsure if he was trying to rile me up enough for me to just give him back the $20, or if he just can’t do math. I was seeing red all the way back to the office and knew I would not be taking anyone else in my taxi that evening. Luckily, this call ended on the East side near our office, 10 minutes before my end-time.

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Down with the sickness

Posted on November 25, 2012 by yellowandblackmail

I had 3 nice guys out of the Kollege Klub last night (rarely are dudes out of the KK gentlemen), and one was pretty green.  I gave him the “please warn me if you need me to pull over, anything inside the cab is a $50 cleaning fee” speech.  He was very understanding. His friend in the front seat was adorable.  They were all young men in town recruited by Epic, around 25 years old.

Apparently the green boy’s yarmulke was stolen off his head at the KK. I wasn’t surprised that happened, I was surprised these three guys were there in the first place.  They shoulda been at Genna’s or something, where young professionals hang out.  The KK is more of an undergrad establishment.

Anyway, three times during this ride to the west side I had to pull over for GreenBoy to get sick.  Each time he gave me adequate warning for him to clear the car before starting.  The second time he was in someone’s front lawn.  I felt a little awkward about that, but he did it himself.

Each time he got back in the car, apologised emphatically as I gave him napkins, and seemed relatively well enough that I didn’t think he would need to stop again.  Hah!  The joke was on me!

The third time we were near a big intersection.  Front seat dude was rubbing GreenBoy’s back and being endearingly affectionate while he was emptying his stomach, but I couldn’t tell if he was actually gay or just a super nice and affectionate boy.  It sucks that boys can’t be affectionate with one another and care for each other well without their sexuality coming into question.  Front seat dude was talking about wanting to date some Lauren chick throughout the ride, though.

Anyway, during my thinking of all this, another gentleman stopped his nice Cadillac at 2am in front of me to make sure I was okay and there was no funny business going on, like a robbery or something.  I do this sometimes with other cabs and it made me feel really good that someone would do this for me.

This whole ride made me feel good about humanity.

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Knives are no joke.

Posted on October 29, 2012 by yellowandblackmail

I’ve had a really long, LONG week. I just worked 5 days in a row, about 55 hours (the last 3 shifts of mine were all 12 hours long, with the obligatory hour break).  To top it off, I got my period today and started my day feeling emotionally delicate.  It picked up business-wise and confidence-wise around 8pm-ish, but the end of the night was a total disaster.

The dispatcher-lady finally checked in 3 o’clock ends at 2:40am.  It probably could have happened at 2, but she’s hyper-conservative with wanting cabs on the road for ANY possibility.  Anyway, I thought “Hell, I’ll drive down the 600-800 blocks of University to see if anyone is outside needing a cab.”  Those two blocks have a high concentration of popular bars.

I saw someone waving outside Wando’s, so I pulled over… mid-pull-over I saw someone on the sidewalk rolling around.  A REALLY big dude, not muscle, just tall and heavy.  I kept the doors locked and asked where they were headed and made sure they were sober enough to ride in the cab before I let them in.  There was 3 of them.

A couple blocks into the $10-ish ride the dude in the front seat (not the big guy, he’s in the passenger-side back seat) starts touching all of my personal things and leaning on the armrest between us, getting close enough that I have to move more into my own seat to avoid touching him.  I get pissed off easily because of the week drain on my patience and I tell him to knock it the fuck off. He’s still jovial though and says he’s sorry but really wants to use the arm rest. I tell him no, it’s mine, fuck off (basically).

The big dude in the back is all “yea he’s really annoying! I bet you want to stab him or something! HAH!” And I’m all “yea.” THEN HE FUCKING TAKES OUT A KNIFE AND PUTS IT IN MY FACE. Well, not really in my face, but a foot away from my face between me and his brother (by this point it’s been said they’re brothers). I immediately pull over and yell at him, chastise him, tell him there is NO REASON IN THE WORLD to pull a knife out in a cab, and all he can say is that I wanted him to pull it out, I said I wanted a knife to stab his brother. Don’t get smart-ass on me asshole.

I shouldn’t have even continued the ride. I should have just kicked them the fuck out on Park at Johnson, but I get really silent, let his brothers wrangle him, and let my silence finally seep some guilt and sobriety into his demeanor. I demand $10 before moving again, get it, then take them home in silence. When we get there, the guy in the front hands me another $5 (the meter was at $9.20), and then he fucking puts his hand around my neck and says “you look tense,” and when I recoil he says “I was only trying to see if your shoulders felt tense.”

WHAT THE FUCK. RAISED BY WOLVES.

I headed back to the office, and about 3 minutes after the hailstorm of emotions hit, my stomach rolled over and I felt like I had an instant ulcer. I got really angry, really anxious, and hyper-stressed. I did my waybill, told the dispatcher everything, she gave me a piece of nice chocolate, I came straight home, cracked my bottle of Kraken and had a couple shots in one gulp, and now am having a beer.

I wasn’t in any “real” danger for this ride, but had that guy’s crazy gone in another direction I might have been. Tomorrow I’m drinking hard, and maybe I’ll go dancing at the gay bar. I feel like beating the shit out of something so I’ll also be going to the gym. I feel like life just grabbed me by the shoulders and gave me a big shake to wake me up.

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Old Lady Syndrome

Posted on October 15, 2012 by yellowandblackmail

I threw my fucking back out on Friday by sitting in a minivan (Cab #51). I can’t believe we’ve got several drivers working for us that refuse to take anything OTHER than minivans because of “back issues”. I’m fairly sure it’s just because old people and people in wheelchairs don’t like minivans, and the minivan drivers don’t like taking those people, so this is a convenient way for them to avoid those calls. Not to mention 6 drunk people in a minivan tend to overpay, and split-loading out of the airport is more profitable if you can fit more people in the car.

Okay so the “old lady syndrome” here is my back going out AND my bitching about everything that doesn’t really matter and isn’t my business.

Anyway, back to my back. Friday I switched into a prius 2-3 hours before the end of my shift because I couldn’t deal with the minivan anymore. The moment I sat down in the minivan I felt a twinge in my back and it just got worse for the next 4 hours. It got to the point where I tried to walk it off but after 10 minutes I still couldn’t step up a curb without holding my knees in pain. I went to bed that night in pain, woke up 45 minutes after trying to sleep it off, took a muscle relaxer, and then spent the next 8-9 hours trying to get comfortable. Matt (my husband) says I was flailing everywhere.  To roll over, I had to move my body differently or my lower back would seize up.

I took the day off work Saturday and ate extra-strength hydrocodone. I REALLY didn’t want to take the day off because Saturdays are good money and I booked shitty in my shifts that week, but I couldn’t work with my back the way it was and with the head cold I’m dealing with.

Yesterday (Sunday) I worked, even though I was still in pain and dealing with congestion. The prius’ seat was actually good for my back and I didn’t suffer too much with people’s luggage. Lift with legs, etc. The night’s sleep was still a struggle, though. Rolling over is still an issue and I woke this morning very stiff (again) and sore.

I was thinking that the noon yoga class at my gym would help, but decided against it since I can’t lean over to touch my toes without hurting a lot. I thought I would just go and use the elliptical instead, but after my shower I realized my head-cold is still gross enough that I don’t want to mouth-breathe all over all the people and equipment while I exert myself. I’m going for a long walk after I post this instead, probably round trip to the Willy Coop, about 3 miles. Then I will try to stretch my shit.

Edit:
I took my 3 mile walk, it took me 1 hour. Within the first leg of the round trip, cab #51 passed me by twice. Fuck you #51. Fuck you.

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